You and me…

some,  maybe even most,  of you know that i have a curious love-hate affair with the role of the pastor.   i believe that some of the modern pastor’s role in the church is biblical,  but i’m pretty convinced that a lot of it…maybe even the majority of it…is more cultural.

some of it is even a blatant disregard of scripture.

one of the things i struggle with the most is the inference that a pastor,  by virtue of his calling,  is somehow different than other people…that the pastor is the modern-day equivalent of the old testament priest,  a holy man who is spiritually superior to the masses and automatically closer to god.

i won’t speak for other men who wear the title of “pastor” in their churches,  but i will speak for myself.   it’s important to me that you know and accept that i put my pants on one let at a time…just like you do.   that means you might be surprised to know:

the temptations you face…i face and struggle with also…i don’t have all the answers…and i’m really ok with it.i have some serious attention problems…the older i get,  the more i struggle.i think a lot of the things we do in the church are pretty cheesy…and boring. writing sermons does not come naturally for me…nor does public speaking. sometimes i preach things that i still have questions about…but believe by faith.just because i preach it,  doesn’t mean i’ve mastered it.sustained prayer is a killer for me…my attention problem often gets the best of me.there are times i’m overwhelmed by the needs i’m surrounded by…and feel like giving up.there are some days i don’t read my bible…and whole seasons where my reading is dry. i really try to be the exact same person on sundays that i am at home.i’m often pre-occupied and forgetful…especially on sundays.   i need reminders. following jesus still frightens me.   surrendering my all is a constant battle.there’s not enough time in my schedule to do everything i want to get done…and it frustrates me.i think the church comes off as incredibly hypocritical and judgmental most of the time…and i’m pretty embarrassed about it.i’m not afraid of dying, but i want to run from sadness.i forgive others freely,  but sometimes don’t know how to forgive myself.

can you relate?  i hope so…

#pastor