“Sunday Best” – a final thought

28 years ago, i learned a lesson that i have never forgot.

i was a 25-year old youth minister, just starting my first full-time gig at a church.  i had spent the previous seven years growing up and learning my trade.  basically, i was a know-it-all who was ready to take the church world by storm and show everybody exactly how youth ministry was supposed to be done.  fortunately, i was brought back to earth pretty quick…

part of my early growth process involved clothing.  there was a guy in the church family that seemed to like me.  he was in his 60’s and was a loud, bossy kind of guy…but with a good heart.  he wasn’t a leader, but he was influential.  he was one of those guys that complained alot, showed up to church meetings with an agenda, and seemed to long for the good old days of church life from his youth.

one day he showed up at my office and said he wanted to give me a gift.  he didn’t really give me the option of declining, put his arm around me and ushered me out to his land-yacht and off we went.  we pulled up to a fancy men’s store and he said he was going to buy some clothes that were more befitting of a minister.  he told me he felt like my casual way of dressing was not professional enough and people would respect me more if i dressed for success.

being too young, too intimidated, and basically too stoopid, i went along with it.  he proceeded to buy me two suits, two sport coats, dress pants, dress shirts, a couple of belts, a rack of ties, and two pairs of dress shoes…wing tips and penny loafers!  well over a thousand dollars worth of clothes…and this was in 1980!  it was where i heard the phrase “marryin’ and buryin’ suit” for the first time.

what i didn’t realize was that he wasn’t just buying me clothes, he was buying my loyalty.  shortly after buying me the clothes, he then began to ask me to do things for him.  small things at first…helping him at his house or with some of his volunteer jobs around the church building.  but then it turned more subversive.  he was upset with the leadership of the church for the direction they were going and this man began using me to champion his agenda.  he even began speaking for me in meetings…saying that i was in agreement with him (when i wasn’t).  deep down, he was a disgruntled troublemaker that painted a smile on his face.

it didn’t take long to realize that he didn’t just buy me suits…he bought me.  i tried my best to talk with him about it (he didn’t want to hear anything from a 25-year old rookie), but that ended in futility.  

i gradually stopped wearing the suits…for anything except marryin’ and buryin’…gradually lost his friendship…he eventually left the church…and gradually gained my manhood…which i have tried to hold on to for the past 28 years.

#clothes #manhood