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i’m up late tonight…by myself…with my thoughts that are random and uncontrolled…and pretty profound for me. maybe for you, too.
writing is both therapeutic and cathartic for me. i find myself writing things that expose my weaknesses and my pain…as well as my joy and the mundane.
in the midst of all the amazing good in my life (and there is a lot), everything is not perfect. it’s not for anybody. i just want to make sure you know that it’s not for me either! there are things that i wish were different. there are things that remind me of past hurt. there are unpleasant consequences from past mistakes or unknown shortcomings. it’s just life, i suppose.
it doesn’t effect my faith. at least not negatively. if anything, sadness causes me to draw close and experience the reality of a god who embodies a peace that transcends my understanding and brings wholeness to my bones.
tonight, i had a long conversation with an old friend who has been given a second chance at life. his journey of faith has been a long and bumpy one. questions and doubt have always been front and center. his recent bout with the enemy has brought some clarity. his search is yielding some relief…some answers. i think a saving faith is taking up residence in his soul.
i’m glad he never gave up the fight. i’m glad god never let go of him.
there are others in my life that are on this same journey. i hope their story has a similar conclusion.
here’s another rich mullins tune. i told you earlier in the week that rich had an understanding of death that inspired me. this is the song that cemented my belief that god was using him to speak to my soul, rattle my faith system, and give me a personal story that needed to be bigger than life…and death:
ElijahThe Jordan is waiting for me to cross through My heart is aging I can tell So Lord, I’m begging for one last favor from You Here’s my heart take it where You willThis life has shown me how we’re mended and how we’re torn How it’s okay to be lonely as long as you’re free Sometimes my ground was stoney And sometimes covered up with thorns And only You could make it what it had to be And now that it’s done Well if they dressed me like a pauper Or if they dined me like a prince If they lay me with my fathers Or if my ashes scatter on the wind I don’t careBut when I leave I want to go out like Elijah With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire And when I look back on the stars It’ll be like a candlelight in Central Park And it won’t break my heart to say goodbyeThere’s people been friendly, but they’d never be your friends Sometimes this has bent me to the ground Now that this is all ending I want to hear some music once again ‘Cause it’s the finest thing that I have ever foundBut the Jordan is waiting Though I ain’t never seen the other side Still they say you can’t take in the things you have here So on the road to salvation I stick out my thumb and He gives me a ride And His music is already falling on my earsThere’s people been talking They say they’re worried about my soul Well, I’m here to tell you I’ll keep rocking ‘Til I’m sure it’s my time to roll And when I doWhen I leave I want to go out like Elijah With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire And when I look back on the stars It’ll be like a candlelight in Central Park
this video was shot shortly before his death in a jeep accident in september, 1997.
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