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what are you like when things are not going the way you want…or the way you expect them to go?
our lives are full of annoyances. and unplanned difficulties that push us outside our comfort zones and require us to make adjustments on the fly. at those times when we least expect it, we are thrown curve balls that give us fits.
i can confidently tell you I have never been persecuted. i have never suffered for my faith. nobody has ever hit me or spit on me or threatened to throw me in jail for my beliefs. i’ve never had a gun put to my head and been asked to renounce my faith.
on the other hand, i have been rejected. i have lost dear friends who no longer felt our friendship was worth the investment. i have been judged…wrongly. i have been slandered (ouch!). i have been made fun of. i have lived below the poverty line and felt the hopelessness of crushing debt. i have been jobless and experienced the fear of financial unknown.
i have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. i’ve been dealt bad cards. i’ve dreamed of greener grass. i’ve been crushed with disappointed by ones i love.
i have wrestled with the difference between suffering for righteousness and suffering because i made ignorant choices.
i have blamed god for my mess. i have questioned god’s provision. i have argued with him. i have dared to tell him that i thought i knew what was best for my life…and then doubted his wisdom when he won the debate.
i’ve sinned. i’ve gone back on my word. i’ve broken promises. i’ve told lies.
i have regrets.
i’ve convinced myself that i have given my best…only to be awakened to my own self delusion. i’ve confused rest with laziness. i’ve been satisfied with good intentions, where nothing short of absolute follow-through was needed. i’ve taken advantage of my reputation and good friendships to float my failures in relationships.
i’m not eliciting sympathy. nor am i fishing for compliments. i’m not tossing out some cryptic cry for help. trust me…if i want it, i’ll ask for it.
no. tonight, this is simply me reflecting on the christmas story. the real one in the bible. for whatever his reasons, god chose to connect with humanity in the womb of a teenage girl of no earthly significance. god chose to let the savior of the world grow up with a dad who had a pretty messy family tree.
the king of kings was not born into royalty and entitlement and political clout. rather, he was born in a peasant cave with no fanfare, under far-from-perfect conditions. he was born in a place where nobodies and somebodies could be equalized.
tonight, i am deeply aware that i am a nobody…who has become a somebody…not because of what i have done, but because my rebellious spirit and careless self-centeredness have been rescued by the one who was born to die.
i was reminded of a rich mullins song tonight…and the lyrics that made such an impression on me during one of the most difficult seasons of my life in 1989:
Joy and sorrow are this ocean And in their every ebb and flow Now the Lord a door has opened That all Hell could never close Here I’m tested and made worthy Tossed about but lifted up In the reckless raging fury That they call the love of God
if you have three or four minutes, have a listen. your day will be better. the first is the studio produced version. the second is a live cut of the song at wheaton college shortly before he died. it’s an absolutely perfect vision of how i remember him…
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