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i’m a recovering people pleaser.
i’m not exactly sure of how i got to be one, but i know i’ve been this way my whole life. when i was 15 years old, i got my first job in the real world…i went to work on a construction site as a basic laborer. my dad was the superintendent…the big boss man…and i was his son…the rookie…the kid who couldn’t get a job on his own…the kid who knew nothing. it was the summer that i started to grow up.
but that’s another story for another time.
on my first day, i was driving around with the job foreman and a couple of carpenters when they pulled into a diner and announced, “coffee break”. i had never been on a coffee break before. cool.
the four of us bellied up to the counter and the waitress came to me first and asked what she could get for me. i hesitated and then stammered out, “…uh…i’ll have a…cup of coffee.”
the guys all looked at me and one of them said with no small touch of sarcasm, “ooo, the boss’s son wants a cup of coffee!” i remember i replied something like, “yeah, i like coffee”, or something equally adult stupid.
the three of them all ordered sodas and proceeded to watch me choke down my coffee…which i absolutely hated. always did. always will. but i refused to let on. i wanted so desperately to be “one of the guys”, there was no way i was going to let them know what i had done.
i spent years and years of my life wanting to be the guy that everybody liked. i didn’t need to be the center of attention. i didn’t need to be in charge. i certainly didn’t need props or awards or recognition. i just wanted to be liked.
i’ve learned a lot about being a people pleaser through the years. i’ll share some of my lessons with you later.
for now, i’d like to know what you think about people pleasing. are you a pleaser? how do you know? what are some of the things you do? how has it been harmful? are you changing? is it getting better?
let’s put some thoughts out on the table!
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