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i’ve had nine surgeries in my life. five ankle reconstructions. one ankle “clean out”. two knee arthroscopies. one ruptured achilles tendon repair. none of them were particularly fun. i would like to avoid another surgery…of any kind. i’m not holding my breath…
looking back, the best part about the surgeries was always the pain medication. being a non-drinker and having limited my drug use to legal prescriptions and the basic, over-the-counter kind…well, let’s just say my surgeries were where i got to taste the joy of intoxication.
the happy juice they give before the anesthesia is very cool. i can actually see how people can get addicted to the buzz from alcohol and drugs.
don’t get me wrong. this is no advocation. i am not lobbying for the legalization of anything. i’m just saying…
but better than the happy juice are the pain meds. definitely everything they’re cracked up to be. i’ve never really understood the high road that some people take. “i’m not putting any chemicals into my body.” “i just want to get off the pain medication as soon as possible.”
whatever. not me. gimme the stuff.
anyway, the point is not about my drug use. i’ll give equal time to the morality police some other day. no…there’s something way more important.
we all use pain meds. the question is what are yours? what do you use to mask your pain? what is your medication?
you may not self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. you may be using something far more deceptive and just as harmful. are you using denial? are you using anger? do you push away the pain with sarcasm? are you cynical? do you gossip about others to cover your hurt? do you carry around a judgmental spirit or attitude of superiority? do you give others the silent treatment? are you passive-aggressive and manipulative? are you a workaholic? are you habitual time waster? do you put up walls? do you blame others? do you run from commitment? do you cultivate an unforgiving heart? do you hide behind busyness? are you immersed in hobbies?
all of these actions are pain meds. they are all things we use to avoid the pain…to avoid facing the realities of our lives.
ruthless honesty with yourself and with god is the beginning of breaking your addictive behavior. without it, you will continue to hide the pain, instead of experiencing healing.
maybe it’s time to get serious about your pain…and what you’re doing to hide it.
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