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my friend, brian, had open-heart surgery on monday afternoon.
yeah, not your average week.
there are a lot of highlights over the past couple of days…not the least of which is that brian came through the surgery like a champ. within 24 hours of completion of the final stitch, they had brian up and walking…eating meals…showing off his scar…and carrying on some very average conversation. can’t wait to hear about the success of his first bowel movement. amazing.
but here’s my highlight: shortly before brian was wheeled away for his surgery, there were eight or nine of us standing around his bed sharing some nervous laughter and watching a really lame, hospital-produced video about surgery for an aortic aneurysm. there were some super-creepy cartoon drawings of leaky aortas…you should ask brian about them.
anyway, in walks this lady with a weird-looking cross around her neck and a bunch of papers and books cradled in her arms. she looks totally dishevelled. the room gets quiet as she moves towards brian. i think i was the only one in the room who recognized that she was a hospital chaplain. i watched with anxious expectation.
everyone sort of moved away from the side of the bed and left brian all alone to fend for himself. she moved close to the bed…and then leaned in even closer to his face. i was working hard not to catch eyes with brian.
she began to speak to him with a quivering, kind of grandmotherly voice. she told him she was there to bring spiritual comfort to him, if he wanted that. she admired all the people who were there and told him how a strong circle of friends could aid in his spiritual well-being and healing. she offered to pray and bring spiritual blessing to him, if that was something he desired. all while leaning within about twelve inches of brian’s mug. oh, yeah…i was enjoying this!
then brian did it. my friend, brian, sold me out. “thank you…but i have my pastor here in the room with me.” brian. dude. this was going to get so cool…and you had to go and play the pastor card.
this was starting to have a “train wreck” feel to it. there was no doubt that the unitarian, ecumenical, all-roads-lead-to-heaven spirituality was going to transpire. bless her heart. instead, she seemed almost disappointed that one of those “jesus guys” had beat her to the punch. she quietly backed away from the bed, said “oh, well that’s good”, and quickly left the room.
i stepped up to brian and he had this “that-was-really-creepy” kind of look on his face. he then thanked me for not catching eyes with him. i said, “that’s what a pastor’s for!”
i know i’m making a little fun of a very sincere lady. i’m sorry. but if we can’t find some humor in the midst of life’s most trying times, we are just a sorry bunch.
i gotta get one of those crosses.
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