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we are all products of the path we walk. for better or worse, we are drawn into life laboratories where what we believe and how we interact with the world around us is hammered out.
lessons are taught. sometimes those lessons are even learned.
i got reflective on this first day of 2013. i’ve been thinking some about where i’ve been and how i got to where i am. today, i sort of did my own “top fifty” countdown of the most important lessons i’ve learned throughout my life. it’s a good list.
so over the next five days, i thought i’d pass on the absolute, most important truths that have shaped the way i think and act…the way i treat things and people…the choices i make…and the way i function as a dad, a husband, a friend, a pastor, a disciple, and a citizen of the kingdom of god.
number five: nobody can “make” you mad. anger is always a choice. it is never the only option. it is always one of many possible reactions to people we interact with and difficult situations we find ourselves in.
truth is, it is completely wrong to say, “you make me mad.”
the correct expression would be, “in reaction to what you have done, i am making myself mad.” kind of stupid. but true.
i am so grateful that when i was just a young adult, i was taught to “own” my responses. blame was taken out of the rotation. nothing short of assuming full responsibility for what i was feeling and how i was emotionally responding was acceptable.
the greatness of this lesson, though, is not found in who’s responsible for the anger. the true greatness is that it has freed me from being controlled by anger. i have learned that anger is a waste of time and energy. i think it’s pretty much a joke to hear people…church people…justify their anger by calling it righteous indignation. “jesus got angry. i’m just following his example”, they say.
the problem is people don’t get angry the way jesus did. nor do they get angry at the same things. the few times we see evidence of his anger in the bible, it was never over wrong done to him…his motives were always pure…he was never out of control…it didn’t last long enough to turn to bitterness…it was always directed at true injustice and was accompanied by sadness over lack of faith…and always had the holiness and reputation of god as the goal.
can that be said for our anger? of course not.
that’s why developing the discipline of choosing not to get angry is such a profound freedom. even in the midst of deep injustice, i am free to love…to have pity…to act with compassion…to choose to forgive…to laugh…to pray…to serve …to seek to understand…to fight to see a bigger picture…to be quiet and listen…to put myself in the shoes of others.
it’s my choice. my responsibility. my reaction.
and nobody can “make” me get mad.
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