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actress cameron diaz, 38, was quoted this month declaring marriage a dying institution. ms. diaz added, “i don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.” mmm.
dr. keith ablow is a psychiatrist and member of the fox news medical a-team and a new york times best-selling author and he wrote an article outlining four reasons why he believes marriage is a dying institution… four important social, cultural and psychological reasons why marriage causes so much pain.
first, he writes that the involvement of the state in marriage has been a colossal mistake. he believes that government involvement means that love and commitment become sterile, linked to legislation and weighted down with legal implications that are psychologically suffocating.
interesting thought. pretty sure it never suffocated me, though.
the second reason the doctor gives is the invention of oral contraception. he states that once a couple understands they can express themselves emotionally, romantically and sexually without the pressure of creating a family (and all the demands that come with raising a child), the psychological pain of living without sexual passion was significantly intensified.
in other words, marriages that no longer have sexual passion are marriages that are doomed. when the passion of the early years is gone, what’s the value of marriage?
although i think there is some real truth in this reason, it’s not the whole story.
the third reason marriage is a dying institution, according to the doctor, is because marriage inherently deprives men and women of the joy of being “chosen” on a daily basis. it’s natural to like the feeling of being wanted, but you have to wonder whether people stay in marriages because they really want their partners, or they simply don’t want to go through the pain and hassle of leaving.
the last reason he gives for why he believes that marriage is dying institution is because of our collective experience with marriage…the fact that marriages fail in such great numbers is pretty overwhelming. no one likes being part of a group of hypocrites. he writes:
“The fact that millions of Americans take vows to stay in marriages for life, then leave those marriages—once, twice, maybe three times—has so trivialized and mocked those vows that many silently chuckle to themselves while listening to them.”
although i’m not ready to jump on the doctor’s philosophical bandwagon, i think he makes some important observations.
…and i really wish they were not so close to truth.
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