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i’m gonna take one more shot at trying to put a practical spin on this whole headship-submission thing. here are some things i believe:
submission to each other is the most christlike characteristic of all relationships (ephesians 5:21)
wives are to submit to their husbands (ephesians 5:22)
by god’s design, the husband is the head of the wife (ephesians 5:23)
the husband’s headship must be defined by christ, not by culture (ephesians 5:24)
headship does not mean master, boss, tyrant, authoritarian, or dominant coercive force
headship never implies control or restriction
headship is not about the husband being assertive and the wife being suppressed
headship does not mean the husband has greater value, intelligence or innate ability
headship does not mean the man is the tribal chief, the family manager, or the one who has superior rights or privileges
headship does not mean the husband is active and the wife is passive
headship does not mean the husband is the voice and the wife is the silent partner
headship does not mean the husband is the decision maker, problem solver, goal setter or director of everyone else in the family
headship does not mean priest, pastor, or even spiritual leader (the concept of the husband as the “spiritual leader”is a popular one. sounds really…uh, spiritual. but i’ve got some concerns about what’s implied, especially since those words are not even in the bible. i’m going to write about “spiritual leadership” in the home and marriage next tuesday…)
don’t rush to judgment too quickly, if my words are new to you or don’t fall neatly in line with the traditional church party line. i’ve spent my entire adult life studying scripture and weighing different interpretations and points of view from dozens of learned theologians and practitioners (both men and women) whom i admire and respect deeply.
most importantly, i’ve spent the past 34 years married to wanda…a woman who is very much my equal in every area of life that matters…and vastly superior in many of them. she is my best case example of why my position on male headship takes more of a moderate approach…rather than the strict husband-is-the-spiritual-leader position that many hold. again…more on that next week.
make no mistake, though. i believe, according to scripture, that i am the head of wanda. to deny that would be to totally disregard the words of the apostle paul in his letters to the church in corinth and the church in ephesus. but i believe my “headship” carries a very specific purpose.
as the head of my marriage, i believe it is my specific responsibility to be the protector of christlike submission in my relationship to wanda. it is my job, even more than wanda’s, to make sure that humble service in love remains the defining characteristic of our union. why??
society and culture will undermine it – cultures have always perverted the relationships of men to women. even in the days of abraham and moses…and all the way through the culture that jesus was born into…a daily prayer for a jewish man was to thank god that he wasn’t born a gentile, a woman, or a dog.
sin undermines it – since the beginning of time, one of the results of sin is that men will exert “rule” over women. it is our sinful nature to take advantage of people.
the created order undermines it – men have actually been taught that since they were created first, it gives them some sort of superiority over women. geez, it doesn’t take much for a man to let things go to his “head”!!
because of sin, nobody “wants” to submit and serve. we all want our own way. we all want authority and control. my job as the head of my marriage is to ensure that our relationship always reflects the nature and character of christ. nothing more.
and nothing less.
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