Marriage Tuesday

there’s a blog i read every now and then written by a young(ish) pastor somewhere in arizona.  it sounds like one of those hip, trendy, new church plants that are happening all over the place these days.  he’s a good writer and has some fresh insights to pass along.

usually.

except for this one.  this one just needs to stop.  he has issued a “30 Day Sex Challenge” to his church family.

the idea is for married couples to go through a devotional guide and have sex with each other every day for 30 days…and for single people to abstain from all things sexual and go through a separate devotional guide for 30 days.

this is not a new idea.  a church in florida did it a couple of years ago (and got a lot of press for it).  a popular church in our neck of the woods did their version of it…and it drew national attention!  i’m sure there are other churches that have tried something similar.

no matter how many times i hear of it, i’m still troubled by it.

i’m all for couples studying together.  i’m all for growing deeper and stronger marriages.  i’m all for sex, too.  i’m also all for single people drawing lines and abstaining from opening the door to explicit sexuality issues before they get married (1 corinthians 6:18).

but there’s something about reducing the act of sexual intercourse to an item on our daily to do list that cheapens it.

brush teeth?  check.

walk the dog?  check.

take out the trash?  check.

have sex?  check.

make the bed?  check.

no.  this is wrong.  on so many levels.

if it is true that men are wired differently than women and we need to have sex more often (i have serious reservations about the veracity of this assumption, by the way), it looks to me like we’re telling women that they have a greater responsibility to “put out”, than the man has to be sensitive and understanding.

if there’s not enough sex in a marriage to satisfy, i don’t think the answer is to “do it repetitively for 30 days…whether you like it or not”.   i’ve heard the teaching that says if you do anything for 30 days, it will become a habit.  count me out.  i don’t ever want my sex life to be reduced to doing sit ups or eating vegetables.

if your sexual relationship is not satisfying (to one or both of you), the answer is not to go through the motions and hope it will change.  the answer will only be found when you begin to talk to each other about it.  dissatisfaction in your sexual relationship can come from literally hundreds of reasons…emotional, physical, family, spiritual, unrealistic expectations, anger, fear, stress, detachment, psychological scarring…you name it!

healing may need to take place.  honesty and candor need to replace silence and embarrassment.  when you bow before jesus and acknowledge him as lord and savior, does his kingdom rule extend to your bedroom?  maybe it’s time to open up that discussion.  maybe it’s time to invite wise counsel into your lives.

talking and listening and understanding and forgiving…the  extending of grace and patience…now that’s a start.

what’s holding you back?

#intimacy #marriage #sex