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when the discussion turns to ideas that can help strengthen a marriage…or tips to building a healthier one…one thing that always comes up is date night.
first, a confession. wanda and i have never done really well on having regular date nights. please don’t think less of us. come to think of it, we never did particularly well on family nights or family devotions, either. that’s for another post…
you could probably say that i’ve never done well with structure or rules. wanda says i pretty much live in an extended state of adolescent rebellion. she’s probably right.
back to date night.
even though we didn’t do one, i admire those couples who do. i really admire the discipline of committing time to each other and what that kind of faithfulness means. the underlying stability that is being forged in your relationship by making time time every week to “go somewhere” or “do something” with each other is pretty powerful.
but here’s my caution: just because you go out to dinner and movie…or take in a play…or go to a ball game, don’t assume that the activity itself is making your bond stronger. don’t be lulled into the idea that, since you are doing something that both of you are enjoying, your marriage is deepening.
you have to talk. a lot. about important things…deep things…uncomfortable things…embarrassing things…painful things…if you ever want your marriage to be substantial.
i know a lot of couples that love to go to movies. (that would not be me and wanda. she falls asleep and i sit and think about all the things my $25 could have gone to.) the concern i always have is whether those couples are really dealing with the important issues in their lives…and the continual, scheduled “dinner and a movie date night” is just another way to avoid pulling out the scalpel and doing some really needed marriage surgery.
let me give you an idea. instead of date night, why don’t you start having talk night once a week?
pick out a place to go and eat. in my opinion, eating and talking go really well together. pick a place that isn’t all about the food and the service, though. you don’t want to get side-tracked. and then sit and talk. for a couple of hours! face to face. eye to eye. nose to nose. heart to heart.
leave the kids with somebody you trust. turn off your cell phones. (pick friends that are smart enough to call 911!). don’t go to a sports bar…or the food court at the mall. don’t take your grocery list, “just in case”. wear comfortable clothes. take a note pad and pencil…somebody might say something important!
make regular time to talk about things like:
your goals and dreams… your fears and sadness… your sins and mistakes… changes you need to make… what you need that your partner is not providing… what you miss the most… what is disappointing you… what excites and thrills you… what god is doing in your lives… what needs to be prayed about…
yeah, you need to make time to talk about the kids…and the finances…and jobs…and things that need to be fixed around the house. those are important, too.
but if you are not making regular time to talk about the significant…the deep…the holy…the “untouchables”…the passionate…the life changing…you run the risk of your marriage being reduced to mere co-existence.
do you think a regular talk night just might be worth it?
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