_PNG.png)
i’ve got a few more minutes left before my tuesday turns into wednesday, so here goes…
tuesday night is bowling night for mike and wanda and a bunch of other crazy adults from north point. here are some lessons about marriage that i observed while the party went on at our local bowling alley tonight:
“you have to learn to laugh at yourself” – truth is, we are not the greatest bunch of bowlers in the world. with the exception of a few, we stink it up pretty regularly. but there is a ton of laughter going on! we make a lot of mistakes in our marriages…say a lot of dumb things…do a lot of things we’d rather forget. but we need to cut ourselves and our partners some slack. none of us are really very “good” at marriage. laughter is some of the sweetest medicine available.
“handicaps are good things” – in our league, we all get handicaps. if you don’t know what it means, let me just say that it is a way of scoring so that it keeps everybody on the same level. those who don’t bowl so well get higher handicaps to raise their scores. those who are better bowlers have lower handicaps and their scores have to stand more on their own. we all bring handicaps to our marriages. we all have weaknesses, and its our weaknesses that make us strong, because only the weak…the imperfect…the needy…can truly understand the grace of god. in marriage, neither partner is better. both stand on equal footing before a holy god
“stay out of the gutter” – i’m pretty sure we bowl more gutter balls than we do strikes in our league! it’s as if we have momentary lapses of judgment and actually think that the gutter is an acceptable place to be. in our marriages, we have to stay out of the gutter. there are places and people and activities that must be avoided, if we are going to hold our marriages as sacred and protected. i’m not going to amplify. you know what i’m talking about!
“it’s all about the team” – we have four-person teams. our score is a collective score. if one person bowls poorly, it’s up to the other members of the team to pick him up. when all is said and done, it really doesn’t matter what we each bowl individually (unless you’re on my team…you have to be there to understand this one). all that matters is what the final total is when all the scores are added up. i see a lot of individuality and selfishness and independence in marriages these days. we all need a heavy dose of what it really means to become one flesh. marriage is all about merging of two into one. anything short of that is not really marriage.
“make the investment in good equipment” – last year, some of my friends gave me a gift so i could buy my own bowling ball. it’s finally starting to pay off! i really am starting to bowl better (i bowled a 204 tonight…). i still have to work at it, but good equipment really makes a difference. people…there are so many awesome resources out there that can help your marriages! there are so many great books and tapes and online sources of marriage education its ridiculous. there are workshops and conferences and radio programs. there are gifted and godly counselors and clinics for deeper problems. even our own church family is full of good people who are more than willing to come and stand with you and fight for your marriage, if you’d only ask.
“good shoes mean everything” – one of the worst parts about recreational bowling is the idea of slipping your foot into bowling alley’s rental shoes. what do you really know about the feet that have been in there before yours? scary. i love having my own shoes. they are comfortable. they fit me. there’s no disease inside. putting my bowling shoes on makes everything about bowling go better. what’s the foundation of your marriage? what are basic commitments you have made to each other that you build on every day? what are the vows you made? what are the truths that are timeless? maybe its time to remember…
“keeping score is not all that important” – yeah, we keep score every week. but in the end, nobody really cares who wins and loses. but what does matter is that we all walk out as friends…even better friends than we were before the evening began. marriage is never about winning and losing. marriage is not about competition. score is never to be kept. past mistakes are to be forgotten and sins forgiven. no scorecards. no standings. no defeats. only victory.
“there are no perfect games” – at least in our league there’s not! we all fall short. dale gets on a roll every now and then and we all start looking at those “Xs” going up on the screen…but sure enough, he falls short of perfection just like the rest of us. (for the record, we’re all pulling for him…and i think he may just do it one of these weeks…). there are no perfect marriages. no perfect husbands. no perfect wives. no perfect households or budgets or parents or kids. just imperfect people relying on a perfect god for grace and mercy.
“just sitting and talking is a great thing” – if you’re stuck bowling with the farras, one thing you’ll quickly figure out is that we spend more time talking with our friends than we do actually bowling. our team name is “you’re up”…in honor of the constant reminder to pay attention because its one of our turns to shut up and get our behinds up to the lane and bowl. oh well. it’s the way i’m wired. and its the way our marriages should be wired, also. seldom is there anything more important…more needed…more appreciated…more foundational…than sitting and talking with our partner. its oxygen for our marriages. without it, we suffocate and die.
“hit your mark” – there are little marks on the floor for where you need to put your feet as you begin your approach and prepare to release the ball. there are also other marks about fifteen feet down the lane for you to aim at as you roll your ball. they are guides to help you get the ball in right spot when your toss is finished. what are your “marks” for your marriage? what are your goals? do you talk with each other about your dreams and visions and expectations for the life you share? do you know what god expects of you? you can’t build a godly marriage without hitting your marks.
“remember to follow through” – its a simple, but easily overlooked part of bowling mechanics. when you release the ball, you need to bring your throwing arm back in order to create momentum…swing it forward to propel it down the lane…and finish with your throwing arm higher than your head. it keeps you from aiming the ball and drifting from side to side. it also keeps your ball going in the direction you want it to go. ultimately, without a good follow through, you are never going to succeed in bowling. the same is true in our marriages. you can talk…plan…exchange wedding vows…read books…go to marriage classes…whatever. but if you don’t follow through on your commitments, it means nothing.
so there you have it. probably more than you ever wanted to know about bowling…but maybe something worth remembering about marriage.
टिप्पणियां