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i’m going to write to men today. not that the same principles wouldn’t hold true for women, also…but this is just something i have on my heart for the dudes. forgive me.
i have this theory. i have raised this issue with a number of men… and those with first-hand knowledge of the issue have never disagreed.
husbands know when they are putting their marriages at risk. they know when they are approaching lines that should not be crossed. they know. and they choose to ignore it.
infidelity doesn’t sneak up on men. affairs don’t happen by accident. they begin when men (or women) choose to begin compromising the sacredness of their marriage relationships.
it usually starts small. most of the time (especially with men who claim to walk with god), it begins with something innocent. an act of service. a kind word. a friendly gesture. a casual friendship. nothing wrong…yet.
but an act of service can become habit of interaction and a growing dependence.
a kind word can grow into open and intimate conversation…the kind that a man should only be having with his wife.
a friendly gesture can become a warm smile…that can become a supportive hug…that can become special embrace.
a casual friendship can develop into an exclusive (secret) relationship…that can eventually grow into co-dependence… that can ultimately become a full-blown, hidden affair of the heart.
and the thing is…a man may be naive or stupid at the beginning, but there definitely comes a time when he knows he’s walking at the edge…but continues to do it anyway.
hey, most men are not relational giants. culturally, we seem to just take a simpler approach to human interaction. but that’s no excuse for being stupid.
men, if you are spending time with women other than your wives, be careful. very careful. if you are helping women in need, do it quickly…and move on. if you are having conversations with women other than your wives, make them short and to the point…keep it on business…don’t discuss heart issues…yours or hers.
don’t let touches linger. you know the difference between an appropriate (and quick) hug between two friends and the other kind. don’t play me…you know. if there is emotional connection in a touch…of any kind…run.
god intends for men and women to be friends. he has designed us for healthy interaction and warm, committed relationships. he’s also wired us to know when those warm and healthy friendship become special. we know when there is more. we know when comfortable moves to complex…when feelings start to be touched…when it moves from the head to the heart.
and if you’re married, that movement is reserved for your wife. period. case closed. no exceptions. no excuses. no way. no how.
if you are walking, talking, feeling, connecting where you shouldn’t be, stop. tell a brother. get help. confess your sin. create some accountability before its too late.
if you know a guy who is dancing with danger, take a risk and talk to him about it. someday…maybe…he’ll be glad you did.
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