Marriage Tuesday

“why do you want to get married?”

it’s a question i ask every couple who approaches me to perform their marriage ceremony.

if you’re married,  take a moment to remember back…  why did you get married?  what were you thinking?   what were your reasons?   what pushed you over the edge?

if you’re not married,  what would make you want to?   what would cause you to consider making this kind of commitment?

here are a few reasons not to get married:

1. don’t get married out of need.

2. don’t get married because you want to be complete.

3. don’t get married to fulfill what is lacking in your life.

4. don’t get married to prove a point.

5. don’t get married to avoid being lonely.

6. don’t get married to get a better financial arrangement.

7. don’t get married to try and make a mistake better.

8. don’t get married because people expect you to.

9. don’t get married just because you love each other.

10. don’t get married just to have sex.

11. don’t get married out of obligation.

12. don’t get married if you are hoping it will change your partner.

13. don’t get married if you aren’t on the same spiritual path.

14. don’t get married out of fear of failure.

15. don’t get married to bolster your reputation.

16. don’t get married to escape something.

17. don’t get married out of physical attraction.

18. don’t get married because of pressure.

19. don’t get married to improve your self esteem.

so why do you get married?  aside from the obvious things like love, attraction and compatibility, here are a few reasons from my point of view:

1. get married because you a better together than you are apart.

2. get married out of a deep sense of shared values.

3. get married when you are ready to selflessly serve each other.

4. get married when you have a common understanding of god’s calling on your lives…first individually and secondly, together.

5. get married when you are drawn to intimacy, transparency and complete honesty with your partner.

6. get married when you can stand just as strong separately as you can together.

7. get married when you are deep enough and spiritually solid enough to withstand rejection and failure.

those are some of my reasons.   i wish i could say that was where wanda and i stood when we were 21 and newly-married.   but we were nowhere near what we needed to be.

but we grew.   we listened to god’s voice.   we humbly experienced god’s grace,  forgiveness,  and molding of our character and purpose.

we accepted the discipline and instruction of those older and wiser.   we didn’t run from our fears and failures.   we submitted ourselves to the truth of god’s word and measured our relationship in light of it.   and we made it.

if you are already married,  work backwards.   go back and build on the strengths of your relationship and confront where you are falling short.   nothing else will do.

if you aren’t married,  consider raising the bar on what you expect out of yourself,  your partner (or future partner) and your marriage.

it will be worth it.   i promise.

#marriage