Marriage Tuesday

honestly,  i’ve never gone through a period in my life where i’ve had my understanding of  the traditional  form of american marriage challenged as much as it has been lately.

i am doing more marriage counseling than i have in the past twenty years.   over the past five years,  my old np youth group has grown up…and they are starting to get married.   i really do like to spend time with young couples as they prepare for it.

i am close, personal friends with more couples who are living together (instead of being married)  than ever before.   many of them are actively seeking after god…some of them consider themselves to be disciples of christ.

nobody is using the old phrase,  married in the eyes of god, but most are at least implying it by the way they are choosing to live.

this reality has forced me to re-think and re-study and re-consider and ultimately re-teach what i believe about marriage.   it is a major factor in the creation of this “marriage tuesday” blog.   and this journey has definitely deepened my understanding of the biblical definition of marriage,  opened my eyes to what god really intended,  and given me a much sharper resolution to live out my relationship to wanda in a much more profound way.

but here goes: there is nothing about the wedding ceremony or the marriage certificate that makes me married.

i have never once,  in our 35 years of marriage,  thought of the signed certificate.

the signing on the dotted line was done in my heart.

i am married because of what the definition of marriage is…united…one flesh.

what makes me married is defined wholly by the substance of my relationship with wanda…not a piece of paper nor the words that we exchanged in front of family and friends.

i cannot remember my wedding vows.   i know i made promises to wanda that i intended to keep…and have.   and always will.   but i don’t remember those words.   nor does wanda.   nor does anyone who was present for the fine event.

why will i keep those promises?   because  i’m a man of my word? no.   i have broken promises before.   because i’m a high character guy? no.   i may be  a high character guy,  but i’m far from perfect.   because wanda deserves perfection?   as great as she is,  no one deserves anything good because we all fall short of what god expects.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because i made the promise  to god,  first.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because when all is said and done,  keeping my promises will define me.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because there is something greater at stake than my happiness…or hers.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because i am a better man and a deeper person for having made those promises.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because my boys need that example.   if i can’t live out my faith and show them that god is greater than any situation they could ever encounter,  i will have let them down.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because we have been united…our souls have been mingled…and for me,  there is no turning back.

i will keep these promises i made to wanda,  because i believe that god will honor those promises.

but i am not married because someone pronounced me married…or because someone signed my marriage license…or because i stood up in front of people and stated my intentions to be faithful…or because i had a fancy ceremony and fulfilled the laws of the state of california and the expectations of culture.

so why is the ceremony and the public vows and the signing of the license and the legalization of the union so important?

i’ll give you some thoughts about that one next week.

#marriage #promises #weddingceremony