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a couple of years ago, i found myself in a conversation with a guy who was telling me about all the bad things that happened in his life growing up in the church…and how he had walked away.
judgment. rejection. gossip. rules. disappointment. fear. alienation. power.
don’t you just love the church?
i found myself wanting to give him explanations for why some of those things may have happened. i wanted him to understand that the people that had hurt him had good intentions. i wanted him to know that those were good people that just had different ideas.
i wanted to help him see that nobody’s perfect. that his harsh feelings about the church were just another form of judgment and intolerance…that he was really no different.
but the more i sat and listened, the more my thoughts sounded like cheap excuses and justifications. really cheap.
so i apologized. for the big things. for the small things. for all of it. i told him there were no adequate excuses. no legit justifications. just wrongness. so i apologized. i said i was sorry for the way he was treated. i was sorry that his self image had been undermined and his child-like faith had been robbed.
i told him how sorry i was that the church comes across like a bully. i apologized for being a part of something that is so hurtful and leaves such life-long scars on people’s hearts.
i admitted that it was people, not god, who get it wrong. in our zeal, we erect walls and make it oppressively difficult for people to touch the goodness and grace of god. questions are rejected as expressions of ignorance. sinful choices are ranked and branded as disgusting and revolting.
all i could say was that i was sorry. so sorry.
i can’t help but think there would be a lot more people open to hearing about the reality of a god of love, if more of his people would simply apologize.
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