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the other night, wanda and i were invited to a dinner party and we found ourselves sitting next to a couple we didn’t know. they were a little younger than us (who isn’t these days?) , very outgoing… and we had a really enjoyable time hearing their story and getting to know them.
after comparing notes about how long each of us had been together (we’re in our 40th year, by the way…), they asked us this question: “so what’s the secret…how have you guys made it so long?”
it was one of those moments. we looked at each other and said…pretty much simultaneously… “we’re best friends.”
i know it sounds cheesy and very cliché, but it’s true for us. but there’s a better question to ask. “how have we stayed best friends?” is much more profound. here’s some thoughts…
pick well. this one is only for those of you who aren’t married right now. if you really believe…with your whole heart…that marriage is for a lifetime, you need to spend the time and effort to be sure. really sure.
find things you both enjoy…and do them together. yeah, you are both individuals and you need to have space and you can’t do everything together, but you can’t live separate lives. don’t be idiots. friends do fun things together.
make adjustments. we don’t stay the same. life has a way of wearing us down…sometimes even beating us up. we change. we grow. we’re supposed to be life-long students. don’t expect your partner to be the same person you married. to stay friends, you will need to spend a lifetime of bending and tweaking and fine-tuning your friendship.
stop taking yourself…and your partner…so seriously. couples that don’t learn to laugh together will never last. and if they do make it somehow, it will be pretty empty and a lot of going through the motions.
don’t let your kids take the primary friendship spot. if you are privileged enough to have children, it can be really easy to let those kids take over your hearts…and lives. they demand our time and our money and our sleep and our energy and a whole lot of our attention. you have to determine…in your heart…in your calendar…in your day to day routine…that you are not married to your kids.
you are married to your best friend. act like it.
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