a new friend

this past weekend, i met a guy at a wedding rehearsal dinner i attended.  wanda and i really didn’t know anybody (other than the bride and groom), so we just wandered in, grabbed something to drink and did our best to try and mingle.  it was in one of those mingling moments that we met our new friend.

during the course of the pre-dinner mingling, there was lots of small talk and casual getting-to-know each other (along with others that would eventually sit at our table).  he was engaging.  he was sarcastic.  he was, at time, hilarious.  it was really fun.

in moments like these, it’s pretty hard to keep what i do for a living secret.  i was, after all, the pastor that was going to perform the wedding the next day!  more often than not, when i am in a social setting where it is not a church gathering with church people, things just get weird.  people get uncomfortable.  they apologize for their speech.  they avoid certain subjects.  they make obvious references (usually dumb ones) to their childhood church experiences.  mostly, they are looking for somewhere else to be…with someone who is more fun than a pastor.  i get it.

not so with this guy.  we talked.  a lot.  honestly.  openly.  sarcastically (which i thoroughly enjoyed!).  at one point, he told me of his frustration with churches and big time pastors who seem to only be concerned with getting bigger.  to him, there didn’t seem to be enough genuine care for people.  if someone got hurt, got disillusioned, got disconnected…and left…the only real interest was in replacing them…not finding them.

i responded by telling him that i was sorry for things that churches and pastors do. i told him that i am frequently embarrassed by the way the church and church leaders act and i apologized for the image we often project.  i just looked at him and said, “man, i’m really sorry.”

i fully expected him to lighten the moment with a joke or zing me with some of his cynicism, but he totally surprised me.  he looked me right in the eyes and said, “you don’t know how much that means to me to hear you say that.  in all of my years, i’ve never heard a pastor, or a christian for that matter, honestly admit that the church makes mistakes and apologize for them.  i’m blown away right now.”

that moment opened up new dialogue and i now feel like i have a new friend.  

honest apology goes a long way to opening doors.

#apology #friend